Full to the brim
I am feeling antisocial today. I had plans to go and see a play with my friends, but I canceled. There are times when I get cranky just thinking about being in the vicinity of people and today is one of those.
I’ve always wondered if my solitary bouts are normal. It is not a preference, it is a need to be alone and do my own thing; and when I get into this frame of mind if someone impinges on my wishes (even it is myself) I get cranky. Example, yesterday I had planned to spend curled up on my sofa, reading a good book. But a very dear friend of mine was not feeling well, and had no one else to turn to, so we spent a couple of hours hanging out together and talking. By the end I was unbearably cranky and feeling resentful. Worst of all, I took my anger out on Tai (I yelled at her at some length, but then she had also peed on the carpet, again), and felt really guilty about it afterwards.
There are times when dealing with people leaves me drained and I need to recharge. I never understood why some people are so scared to be alone. I love the feeling of serenity that can come over you while sitting with your dog and reading a good book, or drinking some hot cocoa while watching trashy tv. Sometimes the best company can be yourself.
