Damn to the Arrgh
A week ago, my roomate told me that he wanted to move out, and I did an internal happy dance (the running man and robot rendition, I was THAT happy). The day afterwards he said he was moving to Texas and he flew out to look for apartments. By Sunday, he had changed his mind and had chosen San Francisco. Which turned into I’m staying here until my lease ends yesterday. Of course he hadn’t deemed it important enough to actually tell me of his plans, considering that he would have been breaking his lease and putting me in a bad financial position, which pissed me off.
It is an education being around someone whose mood changes so much and who can go from being happy to being depressed in 2 seconds flat. I’m struggling with trying to be understanding of him, but at the same time not wanting to engage him because I never know how he’s going to react. I know the suckfest that is feeling like you don’t belong anywhere, and how isolating and awful that is and I’m trying hard to remember that when I interact with him. What I can’t stand is when he becomes mean and says hurtful and (frankly) childish things to me that are unwarranted and disrespectful. He is also needs so much attention and time that I can’t give him. He’s gotten jealous because I spend more time with my friends. He says he feels excluded when I don’t invite him to do things with me. He complains that whenever I cook I don’t plan for him. Whenever I try to address what he’s saying, he doesn’t listen to me because he reacts with his emotions, and doesn’t listen with his mind, therefore there is no reasoning with him. He’s like a clingy, needy, possesive boyfriend that I never wished to have.
It’s interesting being on the other side of equation now. What I can say now is that I am so glad to have had friends, real friends who stuck with me through my periods of depression. And while I don’t think my roommate and I can be friends because of our personality differences, I will try harder to be more compassionate. I have/had been praying very hard about this situation, and I thought it was all going to be resolved when he left. But maybe God has other plans (who said something like, man plans, and God laughs?), and I just have to be accepting. I know this post is not nice at all, but I decided to put it up because no one knows who I’m talking about. A girl needs an outlet (umm, other than all of the friends that I’ve already bored to tears with this story, or that… complete stranger in the waiting room) sometimes.
