Ch-ch-changes
An appropriate title for a post right after the elections. I’m not from the US, but it’s been my surrogate home for 10 years (and counting), and I am elated that so many people recognized that there is need for change and a shift in the national consciousness in some fundamental areas like the environment, and foreign policy. But of course, this webpage is all about me, so to hell with elections (:
I curse the day when I thought getting a roommate through Craigslist was a good idea. What everything boils down to is that it was very poor judgment on my part and now I have to live with it for a whole year. Initially this post was fairly slanderous in nature and I was going to write viciously one sided and embellished accounts of the time he did something and I got SO UPSET but I realize now that that probably wouldn’t be very nice of me, and possibly bar me from getting into heaven. And I really, really want to make it there eventually if only because I want to buy my favorite apostles some beer.
So instead I’m writing about things that need to change with me. I need to be more assertive, and hold my own ground. I cannot keep swallowing my anger or the things that bother me, because eventually I am going to explode, and that ain’t going to be pretty. It’s one of my many patterns, letting people walk all over me while silently resenting it, and I need to start setting some rules for myself.
One of the things that I’ve always believed in is a person’s ability to choose who they want to be, and act accordingly — the truest measure of a person is their actions. I’ve always tried to live up to my image of a good person, someone who was compassionate and kind, who would give strangers the shirt off their back and selflessly give up the last piece of chocolate cake because you know your friend really, really wants it. That image is still there, but now the ideal is tempered by accounting for my human frailties. I get angry and resentful when people try to take advantage of small kindnesses, so I need to start speaking up whenever this happens. I wish I could be more humble and forgiving and that these things wouldn’t bother me, but that is a work in progress.
Being non-confrotational means that I use my go-to defense mechanism when I’m mad – mute withdrawal. And that’s something that I need to work on too, because I realize it comes accross as cold and uncaring, and for the most part I do believe that dialogue is the best way to resolve conflict.
So, a mental toast to new beginnings.
