The Depression Diaries

Having a pet was one of the things that I always imagined myself doing when I was mature, and more established and stable, and less… crazy. Late last year, I decided that heck, I’m getting older and it’s time to stop waiting for my future to get here, because duh, in the future, my past would be right now and I want to do things NOW in order to get to where I envision myself THEN; if not nothing is ever going to happen [or as Bob Dylan put it (a little less eloquently I might say - hee) 'Life is what happens while you're making other plans'. I could have saved you a paragraph full of nonsense if I had just gone with that first].

The selection and adoption process took a long time because I live in an apartment with no yard, and apparently that makes you something akin to a leper to a lot of animal organizations. [Now, I understand that they want the dogs that they look after to be happy, but for goodness sakes, between the choice of say, having to hold your pee until your loving owner gets to walk you, or being euthanised because there are not enough resources for you, I would take the former]. I had some restrictions in terms of the type of dog I could get because of my apartment rules – basically under 25 lbs and they had to be housebroken. I was also looking for a very laid back dog, who shared my sang-froid demeanor and who could laze around in the apartment contentedly while I worked.

Enter Tai. When I saw her pictures, I was a little skeptical because she looked like she could get into trouble. But she was such adorable trouble that I couldn’t help and make the 2 hour trip to go meet her, and then adopt her right on the spot. I remember that while at the humane society, she had grown ulcers on her skin because she was so stressed, and on that first trip home she was shaking so much her mouth rattled. I thought: poor doggie, I can totally relate; I said to myself that even if she chewed up my favorite boots, ate all the pieces and pooped them out one by one, I would always try to be good to her.

It’s great to have her to come home to. If I had an awesome day, or one of those gut-wrenching, terrible days, she’s always there shaking her tail and wanting to play and go for a walk. She can sense when I’m sad and will lay her little head on my arm and stare at me with the cutest eyes. Tai also gets me out and about even when I don’t feel like it, and I’m always the better for it afterward (except that one time when it was zero freaking Fahrenheit and we both wanted to go back into the house, so she PRETENDED to pee to go back in and I had to call her bluff, because damn it! she had to know who’s the boss). When I’m tired of life, she takes me outside of myself and reminds me that when I adopted her I chose to take responsibility of her, above and beyond anything that is happening with me. It is a nice to feel needed, even in that small way.

I understand now when people say that there is nothing like a pet’s unconditional love – they love you completely, accepting you for who you are, mistakes and all. They can’t tell that you are a loser or that you hate yourself or that they got stuck with a broken owner, because you are the center of their universe. They give and take love with no expectations and no judgments. When I got Tai, I never expected to love her so much, or that I was to be in some ways dependent on her, the same way she is on me.