Plodding along
Right now I am taking 20 mg of Prozac every other day. I started tapering off from 40 mg each day, to half that each day, and soon it will be none. So far, apart from some flu like symptoms I haven’t noticed anything being different, but I have told my family that I’m getting off it so they can watch out in case I start getting really depressed and suicidal. I’m curious as to what will happen to me. Come to think of it, a more appropriate description rather than curious is insanely, batshit, deathly scared.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend who is a doctor, and he said that he usually sees patients going off anti depressants being moody and generally sad again after it gets out of your system. I’m going to try to counteract that by doing yoga 4 days a week (uh, or 2), and having longer walks with Tai every day. I want to do as much as I can to make sure that I keep getting better, or at least, not get worse.
In the bottom of my heart, I’m scared that without the pill I will not be the person that I have been in the past year, and that all of the awesome things that happened are just a byproduct of my being chock-full-o chemicals. I can feel the very edge of my brain starting to turn on me again, and starting to say that I’m not good enough, that I’m a dumbass and that I was only functional because I was on the Prozac, and using those thoughts as excuses in case I choke and fall into depression again. It’s just going to be me against the world with no body shield (in a handy capsule form) to help me. It’s scary as hell.
